An email from my friend, Jessica, pondering the aftermath of my recent visit to P. Allen Smith’s Moss Mountain Farm…
Overwhelmed indeed…which is why the personalized P. Allen thank you note is still on the gotta-get-done-before-I-roll-out-of-town-to-yet-another-bachelorette-party list. Thanks for the reminder, Jess.
Ready for a Rehabilitation Station flashback? Nearly two years ago I whipped this little nugget sized chair into shape for one of my favorite gal pals, Jessica, and her baby boy baby bump…
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A special little chair for a special little nugget. It’s been so much fun watching little Dean grow over the past year and a half and today I get this text from his momma that nearly sent me to tears…
Three important things to note from this text/photo convo…
#1 Little baby Dean is now officially bigger than his DIY chair from Aunt Cara.
#2 Jessica and I clearly have a thing for Rob Dyrdek. Mainly because he has a skateboard riding bulldog.
#3 I’m fully prepped for a “how dare you post preggo pics” from J Doose in three. two. one…
I would not be surprised if my little brother whole-heartedly believed he was adopted and had already begun the search for his biological life-givers. Case in point, Sunday dinner convo with the fam…
Brother Will: I haven’t been to the movies in forever. Y’all seen anything good?
Cara: I went and saw that new movie with George Clooney and I thought it was good.
Will: Which one? George Clooney hasn’t been in anything good since Oceans 11.
Cara: Yes he has! He has been in tons of good movies…
Will: Name one.
Cara: What was the one where he ran around killing all of the Nazis?
Will: Inglorious Bastards. That was Brad Pitt, not George Clooney.
Cara: Oh.
Dad chimes in: Well what about A Beautiful Mind. That was a great movie.
Will: Again, not George Clooney. That was Russell Crowe.
Cara: Oh…but wait! That other movie! The one with the goats!
Will: Ohhhhh yeah. The Men Who Stare at Goats! You’re right. That was George Clooney.
Cara: Yes!
Will: …terrible movie.
I make no bones about the fact that I have the most wonderful family in existence. I’m sure yours is just peachy as well, but nonetheless, mine wins—at least in this neck of the blog-o-sphere—and especially since they allow for plenty of LTHL Dialogue entertainment at their expense…
Case in point: Last night at dinner with my wonderful older sister and equally as wonderful and even older brother-in-law.
Me: So that black pasta you’re eating is made with ink? Like from a squid?
Oliver: Uh huh.
Me: (pause)…does it taste like ink?
Oliver: I don’t know what ink tastes like. Try it and see.
(Cara chewing…)
Me: Oh, yes. Tastes like ink. A definite inky aftertaste.
Jessica: What? How do you know? When have you ever eaten ink?
Cara: Try it. Tastes like ink.
(Jessica chewing…)
Cara: Now breathe out. Tastes like ink smells. Double sensory issue. Taste-smell combo.
Jessica: Like how gin tastes like pine trees?
Cara: Yes!
Jessica: And angel food cake tastes like couch cushions?
Cara: Yes!—wait what?
Oliver: You are both crazy…but this tiramisu definitely has a hint of fireplace.
Ready for a Monday morning true confession? This one is tough for me to admit, especially since I pride myself on being the best do-it-yourselfer that I can be, but not once in my entire DIY life have I ever learned how to use a lawnmower. I know. Disgrace.
After reflecting on my childhood, I blame my mother (sorry, ma). Every time she headed out to mow the lawn, it was ordered that we kiddos stay huddled inside for fear the lawnmower would kick up every pebble in the yard and rocket them directly into our corneas.
Maybe I’m exaggerating the extent of the overgrowth? Let’s snoop a bit closer…
There were no more excuses. Donated by my parents a couple of years back, this fella was about to get in on the action.
…but with no owners manual and a plethora of scary all-caps danger signs, I felt the need for assistance. It is important that our fingers stay attached to our body after all.
Lawnmower go-to guru numero uno, Dad of course…but no answer. Mom? Straight to voicemail. Brother-in-law? At work, no response…Last resort: sister who I love dearly but is possibly hanging out in the shallow end of the DIY gene pool.
Jessica: Heeeeeeey! Whatcha doin?
Cara: Oh my goodness! You answered! I have a question and it’s starting to rain so I don’t have much time.
Jessica: Oh gosh, what is it?
Cara: Do you know how to start a lawnmower?
Jessica: silence
Cara: Jessica?
Needless to stay, I was not giving up on this one. For goodness sake, if I can perform full fledged open heart surgery on my hot water heater with great success, I could get this outdoor vacuum to cooperate.
All you have to do is pull that little cord right?…
…15 minutes later…
…push down the funny little bar, then pull the cord…
…10 minutes and a return phone call from Mom later…
…push the red button on the side 3 times, hold down bar, pull the cord with all your might…
…and away we go!
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Note to self #1: The pit in your stomach after you get a haircut and realize how truly horrendous you looked before. Exact same feeling here.
Note to self #2: Enormous backyards are great for slip-n-slides and terrier mixes. Lawn maintenance is a completely different story.
I find it hard to accept full responsibility for my junk addiction. I have an enabler and her name is Mom…
TO: carawilkerson@gmail.com
FROM: mom@momse-mail.com
SENT: Tue 3/22/2011 10:19 AM
SUBJECT: junk alert
Hola – just in case you’re feeling inspired…..there is a pile of weathered fence wood by Gran’s driveway….some 4 feet and some short 1 foot sections.
They took down the small privacy fence between the houses.
Also – there is chicken noodle soup in the fridge.
Dang. The woman knows I can’t resist a hot tip like that…
…or that.
Back story…Gran loves to celebrate, so celebrate we do. Birthdays. Holidays. Dental appointments. Pedicures that last more than 2 weeks. Everything…
Jessica (sister): Gran, thank you so much for taking us out to dinner tonight. Are we celebrating Valentine’s Day?
Gran: Valentine’s Day? No, not Valentine’s Day! We are celebrating that it hasn’t snowed this week.
Jessica: Oh…well you know what else we will be celebrating soon?…My 30th birthday.
Gran: 30 years old?! Oh Jessica, I remember when you were just a tiny little baby. Just this big. A tiny little thing…Now, Cara. She was not tiny. She was big. Really big.
Someone is ready for the Sugar Bowl. With Gran as a newly converted Razorback, Bobby Petrino can rest easy knowing that we have this secret weapon up our sleeve…
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Cara: Hi, Gran.
Gran: Cara! Guess what?—I’ll tell you! My church selected me to light the advent wreath this Sunday!
Cara: That’s great, Gran.
Gran: Yes. It is great, and I want you to come watch. I look out at the congregation every Sunday from the choir and never see you, so this Sunday you can come watch me light the candle.
Cara: I’m not a member of your church but of course I would love to come watch you light the candle.
Gran: Good! And you can walk with me up to the front of the church to light it, too.
Cara: Oh, um, I can do that. Sure.
Gran: Good! And you will read something to the whole congregation while I light the candle.
Cara: Oh. Wait? What? Reading? What am I reading? I don’t know these people.
Gran: Yes, I volunteered you to read. Just speak loudly and slowly. We are all old you know.
Congratulations to my wonderful Gran on the sale of her home! Not only did Gran officially close on the sale of her Garland, TX home, but we are excited to have her as a true Arkansan—and Razorback fan, of course.
Now you know a Gran update would not be complete without a little LTHL dialogue.
Cara: Gran, aren’t you so excited to finally have your house sold?
Gran: Oh yes. I am sooooo thankful for that, and I’m thankful to you, and your mom, and your dad, and your Uncle Russell, and everyone for all they do for your dear old Gran.
Cara: Aww, Gran. That is so nice. We are thankful for all that you have done for us over the years, too.
Gran: Well, you should be. If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t be here. Never existed.
Congrats again, Gran!
I have a bit of sad news for my LTHL friends. My sweet little guy Ralph headed to puppy heaven last week. With his goofy ears and turned out feet, he never failed to bring a smile to my face.
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With one fewer family member hanging around this construction site of mine, leave it to Gran to have just the words to cheer me up.
Cara: Thanks, Gran. I will miss him. He was such a great puppy.
Gran: Well, when my dog Sadie died (from eating too much butter over the course of her six year life, mind you) I decided to make a scrapbook and write down the funny things that Sadie used to do.
Cara: That is a great idea…
Gran: Yes, it was, but then again, I have lots of great ideas.
Cara: Well, what did you write about?
Gran: One thing that Sadie used to do was bark every time someone passed gas. She would announce it to the whoooooole room. Yes, she did….She was a good dog.
Thanks for the cheering up, Gran. You always know just what to say.
As a final farewell to my sweet little guy, I’ll leave you with his last LTHL video—a behind the scenes look at June & Ralph’s Halloween photo shoot. Ralph, you will be missed buddy.
Happy Birthday to my wonderful Gran! She is 86 today and still shelling out some of the most entertaining conversations…
Gran: Cara! Listen to this. My friend’s Aunt Clara was expelled from the nursing home.
Cara: Expelled? What did she have to do to be expelled?
Gran: Well, every time someone came into her room she would throw things at them until they would leave.
Cara: Oh. I guess that would do it.
Gran: All I know is that when it’s my turn to go to the home, I am going to be soooo nice and push everyone around in their wheelchairs whether they want me to or not.
Cara: What if they throw things at you?
Gran: Well…if they call you and tell you I ran over someone with my wheelchair, just tell them that you don’t care.
On another note, after moving to Little Rock from Dallas, Gran decided that becoming an Arkansas Razorbacks fan was only the right thing to do—I’m not going to argue with that! Let’s call those hogs, Gran…
Friend/Co-Worker/Random-LTHL-Reader-That-I-Bump-Into-At-Target (my absolute favorite!): Cara! I read your blog all the time and your house is sooooo cute! I wish I was as crafty as you and could make my house look like that.
Me: (Bring on a big blush paired with a happy dance/bear hug) You made my day! Thank you so much, but I have to be honest. It’s not that great.
Friend/Co-Worker/RLRTIBIAT (MAF!): Whatever! It’s adorable. I’m sure you keep it spotless all the time too.
Me: Well, I wouldn’t go that far…
Now, granted, I’ve put a lot of elbow grease into this construction site of mine and think these particular rooms are looking pretty stinkin’
cute…
But maybe you haven’t seen my dirty little secret—I mean, my dirty 12’x18’ secret…
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…um, excuse me, Ms Wilkerson. You did not tell us about this project…
You’re right. Probably because this is less than a formalized project and more of what happens when my boredom gets the best of me on a Sunday night BUT the good news, this actually is progress. Let’s revisit the before shots of my den…
The terrible brick fireplace. The oh-so-seventies wood paneling. The hint of Willy Wonka wallpaper sneaking in from the kitchen…my current mess is looking a lot more tolerable now, huh?
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